I just completely lost it with Ben and feel horrible. When I hear or see Jason yell I just cower and know he in no way wants to be doing that, and has some how lost control. I feel so sad and ashamed for kids when their parent loose that control, and although I don't do it very often at all, I just had the mother tantrum all geared at him and know that I can't ever do that again. I need to come up with a plan of how I will respond the next time he pushes and pushes and pushes and pushes these buttons. I know he is exhausted and not thinking clearly, but, how can I keep my senses about me? I really believe that a part of this misbehavior is to see if I still love him despite how horrible he is acting. He is testing and proving my love, because I have lost it with him more than any of our other children so far, and by far, and he needs to know that my love is real and constant. Does he just need more hugs and love and kindness- do we need more spiritual experiences, do I need to get down with him each day Caitlin is at school and play before TV/shower time? I need to plug my ears from the screaming, kicking door, etc and offer a quick prayer for guidance and love- I need to make him a jar where he receives and looses marbles according to behavior to gain prizes- he needs more structure and routine, he needs love and hugs and special recognition- he needs friends...look into pmo for him at sacred heart once a week, or a class at the Y for him.